CONFESSIONS OF A TOTAL LAME ASS....

IN THIS EDITION, YOURS TRULY SHARES AN EMOTIONAL 4 MINUTES AND 2 SECONDS WITH AN ADULT CONTEMPORARY SOFT ROCK BALLAD...I KNOW, RIGHT? WHAT THE FUCK?

On a side not though, that's a pretty great picture of Nicky Hilton I have above in the overalls, right?

So I found myself last Wednesday having one of those days where you just wanna pull your hair out, shit bricks, and then take said bricks and throw them at pedestrians who walk too slow at the crosswalk. I was literally doing everything I could not to walk around the city screaming fuck you while having a bitch fit on the sidewalk reminiscent of Linda Blair in The Exorcist (Or Lindsay Lohan on any given morning, afternoon, evening, etc.). Of course I found myself returning home from work, stuck in the typical Los Angeles traffic, which is about as cool as Herpes and Steve Urkel combined, when I found myself all of a sudden being serenaded by the one-hit-wonder angel herself, Ms. Anna Nalick. Remember that "Just Breathe (2am song)" which was pretty much used as generic filler for any emotional scene in a shitty one-hour drama tv program or two star Anne Hathaway romantic comedy flick bewteen 2005 and 2008. My immediate concern should have been "why the fuck am I listening to a station that would play Anna Nalick??? What is this, the mildly to moderately depressed college girl station???? Or more importantly, why do I know who Anna Nalick is (God, my reality is sad when I really stand back and look at it). Anyways, I actually found myself there, like a giant retard taking the advice of Anna Nalick, the simple yet genius advice of "just breathe." There I am at a red light on Fountain and La Brea breathing in and out like a 30-something soccer mom named Nadine at a Suburban Lamaze class, while my husband the insurance claims adjustor Clay coaches me (Nadine and Clay...sounds like a fuckin match made in Heaven, right...Very Jon and Kate...except not fat and miserable). Anyways, four minutes and two seconds later the song is over, and there I am, feeling as if I've just been through an express therapy session. Funny what a generic soft pop anthem will do to lift your spirits. Give it a week and I'm sure I'll have some fuckin ridiculous out of body experience while listening to "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera.